Just Friends
From a 2009 email I traded with a friend:
“Anyway, I always said that I’d rather have a few friends that I could trust completely than a whole bunch of “just friends.” And I do, and I know how lucky I am. I always have as far as that goes. I don’t do friends lightly.”
Bullseye. I’d been struggling to pin words on that for a while and she just wrapped it up nice and neat in one clean sentence. Putting those two words adjacent in a sentence had always bothered me. Now I saw why.
I’d been trying (too hard) to make something work and gotten the “just friends” consolation prize. There’s no such thing as “just friends”. What it really meant was “The truth is: I don’t want you in my life, but you’re not worth the truth.”
15 years down the road it’s a new song.
Lyrics:
I don’t collect people like names in a phone
I don’t call everybody “home”
I learned early what trust can cost
So I keep it narrow, I keep it close
I’d rather sit quiet with three real friends
Than shout my heart to a crowded room
I don’t do friends like a casual dare
I don’t hand out pieces I can’t replace
You said it soft like it was a gift
Like it wouldn’t leave a mark
Two words stitched too close together
Finally tearing me apart
There’s no such thing as “just friends”
That’s a cold lie in a warm disguise
It means you don’t want me in your life
But I’m not worth the truth tonight
I tried too hard to read between lines
Tried to make silence mean “stay”
Every almost, every half-alive
Felt like love with the volume turned down
You called it kindness, called it grace
Like I should thank you for the space
But consolation’s just a slower cut
And I feel every inch of it
Guess this one’s gonna bleed a while longer
And I won’t pretend it doesn’t hurt
There’s no such thing as “just friends”
That’s a cold lie in a warm disguise
It means you don’t want me in your life
But I’m not worth the truth tonight
I don’t do friends lightly And now I know why