Ghosts
I’m looking for inspiration. I know I used to have some… how long ago was that? Years, I think. Maybe it got accidentally thrown in the dumpster when we were back east, hurriedly cleaning out the old house to come back home to Arizona? I made sure to take all my guitars and tried not to throw out anything of value. I remember the sting in my eyes as I took one final look in the rear view mirror.
Ghosts.
Everywhere I looked as we drove toward the on-ramp of the turnpike. The park where I spent so many peaceful afternoons with Jackson. I sat in the shade there, my back against the trunk of an old tree and watched as he explored the creek, looking for just the right stick, and occasionally looking up to the bank where I sat, just making sure I hadn’t left the spot where he’d left me.
Ghosts.
The high school and the early years of my life. Oddly smaller than I remember it. An odd assortment of memories there, culminating in a surreal June day when I wandered outside in the parking lot in a daze just after my graduation ceremony.
Ghosts.
The Cemetery of the Evergreens. Stones to remember friends and family. My mom and dad, my grandfather and my brother. I always thought I’d be laid in the ground there too, overlooking the fields and well cared-for grounds. I suppose it could still be arranged with a little help from UPS… not that it really matters.
A year or so after Jackson passed I felt drawn to walk a few steps into the woods and have a closer look at the falls for some reason. I don’t know why. I guess I was just missing my dog and had run out of rational responses. It’s cold out and getting dark. My head has been hurting all day long too. I don’t know what I was expecting to see, but I didn’t see it. I didn’t see anything, just bare trees, dead leaves and cold water. The brook is flowing as it always has and always does, cold and constant. Unthinking, unaware, unconcerned, unalive. It drowned my brother 60 years ago this April 22, and doesn’t care that Jackson won’t ever be back.
There aren’t even any ghosts, just… emptiness.