August 30: Day One

August 30: Day One

Jackson is gone. He was awake this morning when T came downstairs but his breathing was labored, deep and slow and he passed just before 8a. T came upstairs and woke me with the words I’ve been dreading for so long. It’s hard, of course, but as it was with mom and dad, maybe not as bad as I feared. I don’t know. Too soon, I guess. I started gathering up his things to be thrown out and/or given away. T is working on getting him to the vet to be cremated. I can’t do it. I wish I’d been with him at the end but I’ve been praying that God would make it all happen in the best possible way for all of us. I have to trust that He’s granted that request and, for sure, I’m grateful that he went peacefully at home and neither of us had to be subjected to that last terrible trip to the vet. I had a good day with him yesterday. He got lots of snacks and treats and he came out to keep me company when I was sitting in the back yard. I’m going to try to hang onto the memory of him laying in the grass next to me and me being able to reach down periodically to rub his ears and pat his side.

In any case, no more dogs for me. Would I like to run right out and adopt another one? Yes. Dogs are the best and maybe a puppy would help me get over the pain of losing Jackson, but then I’d be right back where I have been for so long – tethered to the house, unable to go out, unable to sell the place and move somewhere better, worried about losing him, frustrated over the mess and expense… If I could be sure that I’d never have to say goodbye like this again I’d go for it, but the odds are that the cycle would just repeat itself in another dozen years or so. No more.