September 1: Day Three

September 1: Day Three

It’s September. I wish I could turn back the pages of the calendar, even just a few days… just to be able to go downstairs and find J waking up in the livingroom on his bed, his old tail thumping a few times to greet me. More tears coming today…

I couldn’t help it. I dissolved in an uncontrollable sobbing fit on the way down the stairs and couldn’t stop for the last half hour. It hurts so bad and there’s no way to make it stop… and it’s not like it helps. When I quit shaking, my head is stuffed up, my face is swollen and my dog is still gone.

Maybe it’s the mornings that are the hardest. I hate walking into the empty livingroom. I spent most of the morning writing a post that ended up being part 2 of “on the passing of a friend” for my website, and I linked to it on Facebook. It started off as an email to whoever runs the rainbowsbridge.com website – I found some helpful and slightly consoling stuff there and emailed to thank them. That ended up being a long post and I was able to get my feelings out somewhat. I didn’t expect much from it – figured I might get a few token “sorry for your loss” things. Instead, I got quite a few touching and thoughtful responses and they’re still coming in. I guess I touched a nerve. I’m glad. Jackson deserves no less.

One bit of amusement… DM commented and I replied “Thank you D. It hasn’t earned me many brownie points with some folks, but I’ve never been good at putting on a plastic smile and suffering in silence. If I think I might have a hangnail sometime next week, the whole world hears about it.” D replied “f*ck em. This is so NOT a hangnail.” Not my usual choice of colorful metaphors, but yeah, I definitely agree with the sentiment.