The Evolution of a Song
Part 5: It's Getting Better All the Time
Midnight on Sunday night. Due to a parade of other matters than required attention from early Saturday morning until late afternoon Sunday, I didn't get the time I wanted to work on this project. However, I have been at it for the last 6 hours or so. First the disclaimer: It's a step closer but is still full of bum notes, sour harmonies, and will still see some serious changes. That having been said, here's what I've done:
First, a bit of a lyrical rewrite. I wasn't happy with the down ending and wanted to add a little hope. Here's the lyrics as they currently stand with the major change in bold:
Once we were dreamers able to fly
Eternal summer beneath endless sky
Nothing we cared for tomorrow –
Once we were dreamers.
Hearts still unbroken, songs yet to sing
Innocents soaring on gossamer wings
Lords of the fields and the backyards –
Once we were dreamers.
Fair summer rising up with the sun
Kick off the blankets, and barefoot we’d run
Marking a trail in the grass of dew covered morning
Till one day we woke when September had gone
To chill in the air and frost on the lawn
Somehow the summer slipped by with hardly a warning.
Words in a yearbook – awkward clichés
Scrawled in the margins of simpler days
Promises made by a child – once we were dreamers.
Left in the dust like the plans that we made
Marking our cadence in pointless parade
Feeding the fires of the furnace – once we were dreamers.
Tearing off time from the calendar’s face
Pushed to the limit and losing the race
Avoiding the gaze of the eyes looking back from the mirror.
come back to the place where the child still plays
wake to the dreams of those innocent days
fair summer rising again every day it grows nearer
Once we were dreamers able to fly
Eternal summer beneath endless sky
Nothing we cared for tomorrow –
Once we were dreamers.
Hearts still unbroken, songs yet to sing
Innocents soaring on gossamer wings
Lords of the fields and the backyards –
Once we were dreamers.
I also finished off the music to the end of the song, added some more harmonies and acoustic guitar.
Aside from all the loose ends and bum notes, it's still too repetitive, especially with the piano chunking. No matter how you slice it, it's windshield wipers slapping. The dynamics need work too - something needs to be done especially with the last verse. I'll have to give it some time to simmer and see what I come up with. But alas, the weekend is over. It's Monday and I have to be at work in a few hours. Thanks again for those of you sticking with me here, and especially for the encouragement, constructive criticism and comments. I hope the final result will be worth the effort.
continue with part 6: I'm baaaaaaack in the saddle again...
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